Quakers and Equal Civil Partnership

In a legal development in which British Quakers were vocally involved, equal marriage has been achieved in Great Britain – with separate laws in Scotland and in England & Wales, of course. Since 2014, it has been possible for two people to marry regardless of gender. Northern Ireland, for complex cultural and political reasons, has yet to follow suit, although they recognise same-sex marriages as civil partnerships, and civil partnerships can be entered into in that part of the United Kingdom.

As well as the campaign on the long road to equal marriage, along which the introduction of civil partnerships is generally considered a stop, there have also been those arguing for opposite-sex civil partnerships. I have known Friends who have been involved in this action, including those who stated their wish to form a civil partnership rather than a marriage, despite not being a same-sex couple. That campaign has now, thanks in large part to a supreme court judgement (the Steinfeld-Keidan judgement), led to a change in law in England and Wales and opposite-sex civil partnerships are expected to be available before the end of the year.

Three Marriages

Marriage is an important idea to many people. Whether as a matter of recognition of commitment, and the importance of equal access to legal recognition, or as a vital spiritual experience, it is important. Even for those who reject the concept, it is important in that rejection. One must acknowledge that there are some who consider it an utterly irrelevant idea, but that does not alter the fact it is important to others.

What is marriage, though? It has so many interconnected ideas, so much history – indeed, so much divergent history – and so much individual interpretation, that it is hard to form a coherent and consistent idea of marriage.

It has struck me, however, that there are three basic elements or dimensions to marriage. In fact, while these three do relate to one another and impact one another, they may also each stand entirely on their own. As such, we might consider them independent sorts of marriage, though in many marriages all three will be present.

Today I Wed

Today, I wed.

My marriage will not bring love,
It is brought by it.

My love does not change the world,
It changes me.

It does not cure my ills,
But it enables my living with them.

Love is the font and source of life.
It is the power the underlies all powers.
It is the strength that falters last.
When dedication and principle and reason fail,
Love remains.

Adversity and Simple Joys

As I write, I look forward to a time of great joy – my upcoming marriage. It's not without stress, true, what with the planning and organising, and wringing RSVPs (or even acknowledgements) out of people, but it's a good kind of stress.

But I also look to a time of great difficulty, for reasons I won't go into here. I don't know what the outcome will be, but things are going to get very, very difficult before we reach there.

It's times like this that I am reminded of the need to take advantage of the simple joys. Of fellowship, of companionship, of conversation, of love. Of the satisfaction of a task done well, however insignificant it might seem. Perhaps, holding on to these things, I will get through it. I don't know how else I might.

Written February 2018

On Marriage

Marriage is not a joining of souls,
For all souls are already connected.

Marriage is not a set of promises,
For lovers always make promises, and marriage is more.

Marriage is not a contract,
An agreement between parties for mutual gain.

Marriage is not a tool,
Not a way to fix or improve something ailing.

Marriage does not occur in truth out of choice.

It happens naturally, or not at all.

The outward forms are empty,
If pursued without the inward reality.

True marriage is the joining of lives in the care of the Spirit;

Where recognised, it is right to mark and celebrate,
It is a source of joy.

True marriage needs no validation of church or state to flourish,

But those married and those around them are strengthened
By recognition of that condition.

Even those whose minds know not the Presence of the Spirit,

Can recognise the wealth and love and beauty,
Of true marriage in the Spirit.

Written November 2017