I'm disappointed because I see attitudes expressed
that, while not outwardly hostile to trans people, they are denying
their experience. They hold up an attitude that the rights of one
marginalised group are inherently in tension with the rights of
another, at least at this time, and do not seek to find ways to
resolve that tension to the benefit of all. That hesitate to be
critical of those that advocate the idea that trans women, however
well they pass, should use men's toilets. I might not reasonably hope
that all Friends would support the reform of legal gender
recognition, making it easier to access, but I would hope that they
would not participate in scaremongering that it would somehow lead to
insincere, casual changes of legal gender for frivolous or malicious
purposes. That it would allow such things to be done with impunity.
I'm a cisgender, heterosexual, white man. I hope
to be a good ally, just as I hope to find allies, especially among
Friends, in support of my experiences and efforts as a disabled
person. I know that being a good ally doesn't mean being entirely
uncritical of the positions of those in another marginalised group –
but also not to deny their lived experience. Their wisdom in such
matters is not flawless, but will be deeper than my own. My own views
are not without merit or relevance, but it is secondary to theirs.
And yet, I am heartened that we can share our
opinions, even those I am disappointed by, in what is largely a
loving way – certainly by comparison to discussions in many other
communities. That those who know their views are not conventional for
British Friends can, at least in this context, share them without
feeling hemmed in by our social dogma. Even if I might hope that they
change their minds, I know that it is by allowing dialogue – as
well as the illumination of the Divine – that such a change will
occur. It will not occur by verbal warfare or the discourse
equivalent of a bludgeon.
So I share my understanding, my views. I feel they
are spirit-led, but I do not have some shining revelation behind them
to insist that others share them.
I support the right, indeed the imperative, of
people to live as the gender to which they identify.
I know that neither sex nor gender are binary
characteristics, and though most people find themselves near one of
the traditional “poles”, many find themselves somewhere in
between. I know that gender is not always a fixed thing in a person's
life, that it may move from point to point on a spectrum.
I support the right for that gender to be
recognised legally without excessive barriers put in place.
I do not believe that easier access to gender
recognition will lead to consequence-free or widespread frivolous or
malicious use by people who actually identify as the same gender they
were assigned at birth.
I believe that social expectations of gender are
damaging to everyone, and it would be of great benefit to society to
break them down.
I believe that, with society in its current state,
gender is not solely performative, but is also a matter of personal
identity.
I understand that it is easy to conflate these two
elements of gender, but believe that we should strive not to confuse
gender non-conformativity with a need to identify as a gender other
than that assigned. A person whose gender does not match that
assigned at birth can be non-conforming in their gender of identity
just as much as in their assigned gender.
I know that applying aesthetic expectations to
gender harms not only trans people who do not “pass” as their
gender of identity, but those who identify as their assigned gender
yet do not meet the aesthetic expectations of that gender.
I know that there are women who have a genuine
need for space away from men, and that sharing that space with women
they perceive to be men compromises the feeling of safety in that
space – even if it does not compromise the practical safety of that
space. I recognise that the feeling of safety is important in these
situations.
I also know that not all of these women will be
perceived as women by all other women.
I know that this is a hugely complicated
situation, and it may well not be fully resolved in the lifetime of
anyone alive as I write this. But I hope it will be.
Written January 2018
