Tuesday, 22 January 2019

On Sexuality

An image of rumbled bedclothes.
People get hung up a lot on sexuality. What does it mean? Is it an abstract element of our being, or does it describe what we are attracted to, what interests us sexually? The word is used for both. When someone says that people should celebrate or nurture their sexuality, they don't always mean their sexual orientation – and some people object to the word orientation there, for a range of reasons.
For now, I am using the word sexuality to mean all of that, and perhaps more. It is that part of us that desires that sort of physical intimacy. It is about the sort of intimacy we desire. It is what we like to do, and the sort of person we like to do it with. It is even involved in things we do entirely on our own. It is what we do, it is what we want, it is what we dream of.
It is whether we like men, women, or any part of the gender spectrum. It is whether we are more drawn to those who are tall or short, slender or full-figures, wiry or muscled. It is how we are drawn to muscles, how we are drawn to minds. It is whether we want more sex, or less. It is our kinks, our turn-ons, our likes and dislikes.
You might see sex as an inextricable part of romantic relationships, even to the point of not experiencing sexual attraction until you have made an emotional bond. You might see romance and sex as entirely distinct, even prefer not to have the two entangled in your life. You might be romantically drawn to one sort of person, and sexually drawn to another. You might see both sex and romance as things that occur strictly one-to-one, or you might feel that romantic and sexual love is not, cannot be limited in that way for you.
You might have extremely conventional tastes, not want to anything beyond the ‘vanilla’. You might want to try everything, experience it all. You might have extremely unconventional tastes. You might practice or fantasise about things that most people have never even thought of. You might have tastes in fantasy or practice that would be thought of as weird, even disgusting, by others.
It's all fine. We don't choose what we like and dislike, whether we have a tremendous sex drive or none at all. We don't choose when it changes – and it will change over our lives. What goes on in your own mind, or between consenting adults, free from abuse, is fine. The Light shines through much of human endeavour, and sexuality is no exception. The Spirit rejoices in our joys and comforts us in our sorrows, and the joys and sorrows of sexuality are no exception. To take joy in our bodies, and sharing those joys with others, is part of the wide bounty of the Divine. To refrain from doing so, by inclination or conviction, is being true to the Spirit and a joy in itself. Do not be bound by expectation and convention, but by love and compassion and the promptings of Truth, and the Spirit will rejoice in you, with you, and within you.
Written January 2019
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